This was a weird TCC as we decided to go after the rugby between England and Tonga. I was slightly concerned that we would just get drunk and stumble around, unable to remember the voting criteria as we dunked our faces in seaming bowls of madras. As it turned out, it was best we had been for a drink. Given that being drunk means you can eat donner kebabs and see them as some sort of gourmet feast, it does not bode well on this establishment that we were so disappointed with our evening.
The meal began with swift delivery of acceptable poppadoms and dips. A fair enough start. The waiter was polite but hardly friendly and the place was empty apart from our table of eleven.
Berry7
Northern Steve.
Spice Jet Farmer
Desmond
Bad Drunk Ben.
Lurch
Shell
Dubya
Paul the Coin Thrower
Elle plus fella
The place was deserted. I tried not to read too much into that but I can see why now. We ordered and the waiter did a good job in reading the order back to us. We were a drunken group and he worked hard to get the order right. The menu was very inflexible though and when I asked if I could order fish masala, I was told no. They had other masala dishes and fish dishes but couldn't do anything but a fish curry. Fine, no worries and all that but it always annoys me when no effort is made to accommodate what you want. I've had that dish in every place so I'm not convinced it's particularly hard to get.
The starters were pretty terrible. Apologies for the slightly half baked report but I didn't take the normal notes and so I can't tell you what we had. Being a South Indian restaurant, some of the starters weren't that well known to me so we picked a few random ones and just got involved. They were really dry and crunchy and even when heaped with yoghurt, were unpleasant to gnaw through. The bhaji was ok and the spinach one was not bad but everything tasted reheated and dreary.
So we moved onto the mains, already sensing a car crash of a meal. The mains came out and we piled in, drunk and hoping that, like Maseladar, we would be greeted by good quality dishes. The notes I have alongside my fish read "FUCKING RANK". Now I am genuinely not the harshest of critics but it was soooooo fishy that I could barely taste it. It wasn't just me as I passed it round and saw the same face pulled each time. I was pretty shocked to be frank. The lamb bhuna and chilli chicken were pretty acceptable and the goa chicken vindaloo average but the lamb masala was poor and the chicken and spinach was positively bad. I saw a tikka masala going round which was luminous orange and I kind of gave up trying after my fish had made me gag into my own mouth. I can only hope they were unlucky with the fish they gave me but I couldn't ever go back.
I didn't make many notes. Unlike Lahore or Lahori Spice Village where debate was raging about relative merits, people were mainly pushing their plates away and hoping we could leave. Paul was so drunk by this point that he was becoming a liability and we debated force feeding him the fish curry to silence him. For ever perhaps.
I'm not sure if the marks are fair. I tried really hard to be positive when arguing them but a couple of people would have given 1s or 2s if given their way. In fairness this inlcuded Paul who by now was telling us all that he had eaten better dog. Not sure what that tells us but hey.
The place - 4 out of 10. Quieter than a library packed with smack heads, the place almost scared me. No one was in there and it was obvious why later on. i tried to add marks for the decor to be kind and it was clean but it reeked of mid 80s suburban curry house. Clean. That's about it.
The Service - 5 out of 10. i argued for a higher mark here with some of the others because the guy tried hard to keep us happy. We weren't a model crowd, we had been watching rugby and were 11 in number but other than his politeness, he never really worked to have any banter with us or help. Given that we were his only table and thus the only chance for a tip, this surprised me. It was 10.30 when we went in but then it's a Friday in Tooting for goodness sake. Meals were brought out quickly. That's about all.
Starters and Sundries - 3 out of 10. Pretty foul. Nothing of real note and a pretty bad stepping stone into the world of badness that awaited us. Think we gave it a 3 because the bhaji was edible and I was drunk enough to feel guilt at giing it less.
Curry - 3.5 out of 10. This caused some contention. A few people tried to argue for 5s. Paul was drunkenly rambling about a 1 being too high. My fish disgusted me but I tried to be fair in that a couple of the dishes were edible. 3.5 was pretty fair in my eyes and possibly generous. Not good. very basic and uninspiring food all round.
Value for Money - 3 out of 10. How do you define value? Having a nice meal would be a start. i was so unimpressed by the end that I didn't even write the bill down. But it wasn't cheap. Think it was £17 but that included two big Cobras so probably about £10 a head for food. Regardless, it's not about the money at this point. Yes it was food and yes some was edible. That's about your lot.
The happy meal was:
Tarka Dall - £3.50
Plain Rice - £1.90
Plain Naan - £1.20
Sweet Lassi - £1.90
Total - £8.50.
A scandal really.
(Edit: i have just remembered that Paul's anger at the meal was such that when he realised we had left 10% as a tip, and still had some extra money left on top, that his reaction was to pick up the excess coins, walk outside, and throw them into the street. I'm sure this was some sort of grand gesture but really he could have just given the money to me and I'd have spent it on cider. Freak)
I'm not going to write anymore because my mate is waiting to take me out for a cider. I've wasted enough time and money on this part of the TCC. I know we have to try them all but I feel cheated. At least Maseladar was amusing and they served food of some description. I'm off now to drink to forget. May next time bring better.
Berry7.
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