Lahore. Not a French Prostitute.

Expectations were high for the first meeting. We congregated in The Selkirk and sank a couple of ciders to get everyone in the mood. Everyone laughed at the nature of the e mails discussing the relevant criteria from the previous week but a few people averted their eyes when anyone mentioned we had gone over the top. They clearly felt we hadn't gone far enough! Those present were...

Berry7.
Spice Jet Farmer.
King Herrod.
Desmond.
Paulo.
Matt the Daytime Drunk.
Matt the Negative Ozzie
His hot, drug smoking bird Cris. (He isn't allowed back without her)

Big Dunc was missing which was a shame, given his excessive arguing of any point available last week but Daniel "Spice Jet" Farmer was there, having admitted late last week that "he was getting into it now." For a man of such general negativity this was akin to a veritable proclamation of love. Unfortunately we had an Ozzie guy with us who kept saying that Thai curries were better and rambling on about beetroot. Luckily his good lady friend was hot and skinned up on demand. Rough with the smooth and all that.

So, we arrived at Lahore and were promptly dealt with by the helpful waiter. It seemed downstairs was full and so we were eventually ushered upstairs. Not sure how to describe the decor. Words like canteen, your nan's flat, a dive spring to mind. It was very basic with paint peeling away everywhere and partitions that looked like we were in a dodgy Eastern European mental ward. In the midst of all this though stands a nice spiral staircase. Go figure.

So it was a bit "low key" in that sense but it was clean. And this, to me, is the main thing. Poppadoms were not forthcoming until asked for and we all agreed it is nice to be offered them straight off the bounce. Especially in a busy place where it can be hard to attract anyone's attention. These were good and the condiments with them very tasty. A good solid start. The waiter took our orders as we cracked into our BYO Cobras, yet despite being helpful, he never really set the world on fire with his banter. I don't expect a rendition of Russ Abbott gags or anything but a bit of chat and a smile is always nice.

Short of sitting there with a pen and paper all meal (which I did for enough of it!) I won't ever write down every starter and main. But memory tells me we had onion bhaji (average), paneer pakora (good but a bit bland), kebab (excellent) and chicken tikka (fan-bloody-tastic). Which gets a special mention as being the best chicken tikka I have ever had. It was exquisite. Really. So the starters went down pretty well with the kebab and tikka being lauded by all.

Onto the mains and this is where Lahore came steamrolling into the fray like a maniac searching for a lassi after a phall. Chicken Jalfrezi will be a mainstay of the TCC and so we ordered two. I wrote these ones down as well: karahi kebab, fish masala karahi and zera chicken karahi. Think we had a chicken methi as well and a lamb with mango (?). The normal rice and naans accompanied it. Good Lord, it was fucking good! Sorry for the swearing but it's warranted. People tossed dishes around like kids at a pass the parcel party, each claiming the last one was the best. It was exceptional. We can heartily recommend the fish and the kebab dishes both which has such amazing flavours and tender meat. The lamb was also immense. Combined with good breads and rice, the main course was fantastic.

The dessert menu was looked at but we all agreed that the pudding hatch was firmly shut by the food and Cobra. So onto the marks.

The place - 5 out of 10. It's a bit of a dive. Sorry but it is. For a group of us having a curry it's ok but even then it's not exactly the right side of painted. It was clean but that is pretty much all you could say for it. Probably an extra mark for the mental staircase. Genius.

The Service - 7 out of 10. Seen to quickly and treated nicely, the staff seemed to have the bare minimum to keep you happy. They would answer questions and so on but it was hard to get their attention and the banter/chat/general cordiality was not exactly flowing. But it was good in the sense that orders were delivered correctly and promptly. Extra mark for the crowd's drunken rendition of happy Birthday to a random bald man.

Starters and Sundries - 8.5 out of 10. The decimal came in because of drunken arguments about the quality. I think a 9 would have been acceptable but some dishes were a little bit bland. Overall though it is a harsh judge who thinks this place only gets an 8 for this area, in my opinion. 8.5 seemed fair.

Curry - Another 8.5 out of 10. Again it could have been a 9. The mains were quite amazing. The chicken was a little dry in a couple of the dishes but the meat was normally well cooked and the flavours astonishing at times. Really very impressive. I can see this getting revised to a 9 in the future. It was put in as provisional due to drunken disagreements.

Value for Money - 9 out of 10. Ten off us ate poppadoms, starters and mains and we ploughed though a lot. No one left hungry. The total bill came to under £72. So £8 in, with a tip. Now value for money is a subjective thing so you may think this not cheap if you normally spend £3 on a meal but we were all stunned. On top of this it is BYOB but that is just a side note!

Total - 38 out of 50. This seemed low given the quality of the curry and spawned a large amount of drunken debate. Think we all agreed that the criteria could be broken down to cover the food side of things if people didn't care about service or decor. This would give Lahore 26 out of 30 on the actually curry side of things. The TCC wanted a provisional score put next to all these marks in case we wanted to change them in time. I think people wondered if the curry marks should have been 9s.

We decided on a set menu and we will check the cost in each curry house to give people an idea of expense. It's the TCC equivalent of a Happy Meal or something.

Tarka Dall - £2.75
Plain Rice - £1.95
Plain Nann - 60p
Sweet Lassi - £1.40.

Total - £6.70.

Overall, I thought the place was great. I'd take good curry and canteen like surroundings over average curry and leather couches. So the main ingredients are there. You can't help thinking, when sat upstairs though, that a small paint job and some new furniture would really perk it up. But maybe that's the charm. One thing to be agreed on is the curry is ace and very well priced. Heartily recommended by all.

TCC celebrated it's inaugural night with hardcore drinking until bed was found at 4.30am. I didn't even get a kebab on the way home so I must have been full. Good work Lahore!

So Lahore sits top right now. For obvious reasons. Will it get knocked off? Unknown. Someone may pip it through better decor but for curry reasons alone, it will be hard to beat. Tune in soon for this week's venue. I will let you know as soon as we have a location to visit!

Winners.

Berry7.